I Forgot For a Moment We’re a Freak-Show

It happens to me every year.  At some point after the older kids start school in the fall, I forget that we’re unusual. 

Weird.

Something to be pointed at.

Gawked at.

But once Christmas break starts, I remember. 

I have five kids.

When I’m out and about with just the three little boys, sometimes people will comment on the closeness in age of the three.  But it’s nothing compared to the reaction I get when I’m out with all five.  I live in a part of the country that definitely adheres to the Average American Family with 2.1 kids.  Five just goes way too far beyond that for most people’s comfort. 

There’s lots of staring.  Finger pointing.  Whispered comments.  Mouths silently moving as a count is made.  But the worst is the comments.

Oh the comments I hear.

“Boy, you’ve got your hands full!”  Definitely the one I hear the most.  I think it’s the standard response by someone who realizes that the mom in front of them has more then the average amount of kids and wants to make sure the mom also knows she has more then the average amount of kids. 

“Are they all yours?”  Very close second.  I love the emphasis on all, as if it’s so difficult for them to wrap their brain around the fact that I actually choose to have five kids.  My favorite place to hear this is the grocery store, I’m like: “Nope, it’s just so much fun to take kids grocery shopping that I round up the neighborhood kids before I go out!”

“How many kids DO you have?!?”  It’s too high for me to count!  The shock!  The horror!

“Better you then me!”  Agreed.

“Four boys?  Oh you poor women.”  Thanks for saying that in front of my boys, I’m sure you just helped out their self-esteem immensely.

“You know what causes that, don’t you?”  This one I heard a ton when I was pregnant with my fifth, with a nod to the belly.  Like kids are some sort of disease, something that we catch. 

“Hasn’t your husband ever heard of a vasectomy?”  Oh wow, you didn’t just ask that?  No joke, I’ve heard this one from people I know AND complete strangers. 

“Five kids!  That’s gotta be torture!”  Thank you Mr. Walmart greeter, way to welcome me into your store.  And I wonder why I prefer Target?

The other day I was out grocery shopping with my crew, and had the normal reaction throughout my shopping trip.  And then as I was leaving the store, an elderly gentleman who works there says to me, “Look at all those little kids, your one lucky momma!”  I smiled at him and said, “Thank you, yes I am.”  He looked away and wistfully said, “We never had kids.”  His comment touched me so much. 

And so to anyone who happens to be out and notices someone who has more then the average amount of kids, that’s the perfect thing to say.

You’re one lucky momma.