Dear Crayola,

Hey Crayola,

This:

TONS of fun.

My boys LOVED it.

But this:

It’s tiny, let’s look a little Closer:

THIS is something I’d like to talk with you about. 

Easy to clean means I spray my shower with the hand held sprayer and it’s clean.  But my shower still looked like this:

Easy to clean could even mean that I spray a little 409 on my shower, then spray it with water and it’s clean.  But my shower still looked like this:

Easy to clean definitely does not mean I spend 20 minutes on my knees with a scrubber and spray bottle of bleach.

Wait.

What’s that?

Oh, you put an asterisk at the end???

Oh, ok, sorry, my bad.

Sincerely,

CamCam’s Mommy

7 Days With No TV: Day 7

Dear Mr. Television,

I’m sorry, but I think it’s time for us to break up.  It’s not you, it’s me.  Actually, no, it really is you.  Your a sneaky you-know-what, and I’m now wise to your devious ways.

You claim to help me out by watching my kids for me so I can get more done around the house.  But since I took a break from you a week ago, I’ve found it a million times easier to get things done.  I know, it defies all logic, but it is true.  Hours will go by before I hear a peep from my kids, they’re so involved in their playtime.  Not so with you, with you they continue to come to me asking for drinks, or food, or manage to fit in a wrestling match that I need to break up in between shows.  I have to stop what I’m doing every 5 minutes to attend to some “want” or to referee.

You claim to provide mindless entertainment for a period of time, giving us all a much needed break.  But once we spend time with you, we don’t feel like doing much else. 

You fool us into thinking we’re spending time as a family just by being in the same room.

You suck away at our time without us even realizing it.

No, I’m sorry, there’s nothing you can do.  A call was already put in yesterday, there’s no going back now.

You’ve seen more then enough of my kids faces, now it’s my turn.  I’m going to be the one entertaining them from now on.

Sincerely,

CamCam’s Mommy

 

Dear Dyson

Dear Mr. Dyson,

I LOVE your vacuum.  I needed a new vacuum for quite some time, and your commercials had me intrigued.  After getting fabulous feedback from some current Dyson owners, I decided to take the plunge and buy one for myself. 

I was not disappointed- your vacuum practically sucks the carpet off of my floor.  However, I was watching TV recently, when a commercial of yours came on.  You said something to the effect of how you look at the problems in vacuums and find solutions.  So I thought I’d point out just a couple minor problems you may want to address.

First, I know the entire suction in the vacuum rests on your cyclone technology.  Fabulous really.  Like 5 mini tornados inside my vacuum, circling around and sucking up debris. 

Here’s the problem- my little boys. 

Everyday my 2 littlest boys dump cereal on the ground.  At first I thought it was just accidents, or them just acting their age, but then I started to notice something.  Every time they’d dump the cereal, I’d vacuum it up, and then they would follow me around the room watching the vacuum in fascination.  Over time I realized that they weren’t clumsy, they were actually throwing cereal on purpose so they could watch their little cheerios and kix swirling around in the vortex of air.  CamCam gave them away- one day he let a little “look ma, cereal going round and round and round” slip. 

Now I think this problem is easily solved, just stop with the see-thru container.  No one wants to see all that junk anyways. 

Second:

This little grey button unleashes the canister holding all the horrors that used to be on my floors.  The phrase “A man must have invented that” comes to mind. (I don’t want any hate-mail coming my way.  If your offended by what I said, send a bunch of men over to vacuum my house. haha) In case you weren’t aware, grown adults are buying your product.  There really was no need to make the button so obvious.  Hide it a little, tell us where it is.  I promise, we’ll remember.  As it stands now, your button is prominently out there.  And guess who LOVES buttons?

Him

and him

I can’t begin to count the number of times I’ve chased one of them around my house as they run around carrying that canister laughing and laughing at me. 

And once that canister is off, here’s what they see:

Red?  Really?  Was it really necessary to make the button that unleashes all the yuckiness bright red? 

“Yoo-hoo, boys, here I am!  Push me!”

Now I know that technically everything in that canister was on my floors just a few minutes ago, but there’s something so much worse about it being relet out.  I mean, technically toilet water comes from the same water that runs to our sinks, but I don’t see anyone drinking that.  I think I’ve made my point. 

So, anyways, if you could just find a way to make these few minor adjustments, I think you’ll have the perfect vacuum. 

You could even call it “The CamCam.”

Sincerely,

CamCam’s Mommy 

Dear Target

Dear Target,

I am writing to apologize for the mess I made in your store the other day. Well, technically I didn't make the mess. I am, however, responsible for the person who did make the mess and since he cannot write, I am writing in his behalf.

I decided a week ago that my new rule when going out in public is that anyone under the age of 4 will be restrained in either a stroller or cart. I had both of these items at my disposal that day, so I'm not sure why my CamCam was walking through your store with me. I do know I went in there to buy some much needed cleaning products. I wanted a Swiffer to clean my bathroom floors, and was surprised that there wasn't just one Swiffer to grab, but I needed to decided between options. I find it difficult to make decisions and think in public because I am distracted by my 3 little boys. This is probably the reason CamCam was walking, I'm sure I absentmindedly pulled him out of the cart.

However it happened, he did manage to grab a bottle of Murphy's Oil Soap and drop it.

It broke.

It was the large size.

I didn't realize this had happened until I started to smell something very strong. I went to the official Murphy's oil soap website, and they describe their product this way:

The original formula is a naturally gentle all-purpose cleaner with a scent that says "home".

I'm not sure what I was smelling, but I can tell you that it did NOT smell like home. I was hunting down the smell and that's when I noticed the puddle forming at the end of aisle 9.

I tracked down an employee and she was very kind. She informed a supervisor, and she also was very kind. She also mentioned the smell.

I am sorry for making your entire store stink. And I can only imagine how difficult it would be to clean up an entire bottle of floor cleaner. I imagine it would just spread and spread and the more you try to wash it up, the more it would seem to grow.

Actually, I don't need to imagine, I speak from experience.

I hope you will continue to allow me to shop in your store. I assure you I buy a ton of diapers and wipes solely from you, so you'll make your money back. And I will try harder to keep to my new rule of containing my little terrors.

Sincerely,

CamCam's mommy