eau de toilette

Every so often I'll be walking through my house and I'll step in a puddle of something. The first thing I do is smell my foot. Half of the time I can identify what I stepped in just by smell. If this doesn't work, I then hop to the nearest sink to wash my foot off, just in case, and as I'm hopping I yell out:

Who spilled something!? What's on the floor!?

Of course, no one answers. So now some detective work is needed. Sometimes it's pee, the smell test usually alerts me to this right away. Sometimes it's apple juice. If a cup leaked, it's a small amount. If "Mr. Trouble" spilled his cup, it's a lot. If "Mr. Trouble" tried to pour his own juice, it's a ton. Once in awhile it's just water.

Last night I experienced one of these moments. I was heading up to bed, it was almost midnight. Just outside the bathroom door, I stepped in something wet. I looked down, and there was a very large puddle of liquid blocking the way to the bathroom. What on earth is this? I wondered. I figured it must have been water from the shower that "Little Miss" took earlier, so I didn't do my hop/shuffle to the sink to wash off my foot. I couldn't figure out how so much water would get there though. I heard a noise in my room, so I go in to look and CamCam is hiding in my closet.

What are you doing? Get back into bed. I told him. His blankie was in my bed, so he climbs up into my bed, and off I go to clean up the "shower" water so that no one slips in the night. Once I get into the bathroom, there's a lot more water. Except that the trail goes right past the shower and keeps going. Guess where it stops? You bet, right in front of the toilet. Oh no! I go back to CamCam and realize that he is soaked. His shirt is dripping wet, his diaper is wet, even his hair is wet. I carry him to the shower and strip him down for a bath.

Again, I emphasize it is midnight, and I've been painting our basement all day, so I'm beat. I'll admit I had a moment right there where I thought, Well, technically it's just water. I could just wipe it up and be ok. But then I came to my senses and properly cleaned up the river of toilet water that lead into a lake of toilet water. Of course, CamCam had also been in my closet. And my bed. And I'd walked around a bit.

I thought CamCam would sleep in after such an eventful very late night. But nope, he was promptly up at 8AM this morning. He told me he had boo-boos on his foot. I went to look at him and he has all this white stuff stuck to his foot like glue. I couldn't pull it off. I went to wash his foot in the sink, it took lots and lots of scrubbing to get it off. But as it started to come off I realized that it was toilet paper. Which means that at some point last night toilet paper was a part of the "potty party." And I have yet to find any toilet paper anywhere, so I guess I better go upstairs and see what else this stuff has dried and glued itself onto. Wish me luck!

In Case You Weren't Aware...

Did you know that it is nearly impossible to clean up an entire bottle of Dawn dish soap from off your kitchen counter?

Did you know that when they say it's concentrated, they truly do mean it and as you add water the liquid will grow and grow?

Did you know that the suds created from cleaning up the soap will be so magnificent that they will come up out of the other drain in your kitchen sink and fill the sink?

Did you know you'll think you have it cleaned up, but you'll continue to create a massive amount of suds for days every time you go to wipe that counter?

Did you know that if you're so lucky to have had the cinnamon scented kind poured all over your counter, the smell will overwhelm your home for days and actually make you feel sick to your stomach?

Did you know that when you go to wash your 2 year old's hands and arms off it will take what feels like hours to get all the soap off?

Did you know that it's almost impossible to get the soap suds out of the tub after you've finished washing their arms and hands?

Did you know that when you put the clothes they were wearing in the washer, it will create an enormous amount of suds?

Oh Boy It's Grocery Shopping Time

CamCam is banned from Hannaford. They didn't ban him, I have. Although, I'm certain if I continue to bring him, it won't be much longer before they are the ones to impose the ban so I thought I'd beat them to the punch and save some of my sanity in the process. I see the way the employees look at me when I'm in the store, I'm sure it's just a matter of time. I bet they have a chart on me out back, and every offense gets measured against the amount of money we spend in their store. The manager is probably like: "Well, yes, we did get another complaint about her, however the person complaining is an infrequent customer and CamCam's mommy is spending exuberant amounts of money here and is always taken in by our supposed great deals and I do want that summer home, soooo... we won't ban her son yet."

CamCam hates sitting in the grocery cart. He wants me to hold him or he wants to get down and run. Obviously I can't have him down and running everywhere, the doors open automatically to the store and he'd probably leave without me. And I have "The Baby" in the moby wrap so I cannot carry CamCam. So he spends a lot of time standing on the cart seat, leaning forward with his arms wrapped around my neck trying to get me to hold him. Every time I enter the store, they have those car type carts and I wonder if that would keep him happy. However they wouldn't hold all the groceries I need, and they usually look pretty yucky inside. The other day I had a moment of weakness though. "Mr. Trouble" begged to use the fun car cart and it actually looked clean inside for once. I was trying to not spend so much that week, so maybe the smaller basket would help me in that endeavor. I caved and said yes, get into the car.

YAY!!!! Two excited little bodies scrambled over each other to get into the car before mommy changed her mind. Holy cow- that thing is like driving a train! It's so heavy! "Mr. Trouble" and CamCam are so happy with their steering wheels though. However, CamCam decides that maybe "Mr. Trouble's" steering wheel is better then his and wants to try it out. I'm getting carrots when I hear a loud BANG! Some "funny guy" walking by smiles and says "That sounded like a head." "Mr. Trouble" had pushed CamCam and his head hit the side of the cart. CamCam is wailing now, and rightly so. Now CamCam has the car to himself, and he thinks this is great. He can spread his legs out, sit in the middle, run both steering wheels at once! We get a cookie at the bakery, and it's even better! Why are bakery cookies so crumbly? I swear they grow as they crumble. I have no idea how one tiny cookie can make such a big mess. Now I know why these car-carts always look so yucky- ours has now started a food collection at the bottom and a lovely smeared cookie hand print portfolio is gathering on the seat and steering wheels.

Once the cookie is gone, CamCam decides he's done with the car and wants out. We're on aisle 2!!!!!! That's it! This stupid car lost it's novelty at aisle 2! CamCam is throwing a fit, hanging his head, legs, arms, any body part he can get out the side and over the edge. If his entire body cannot be free of this car, at least a part of him can! Then he starts twisting to try and get out. He somehow maneuvers down and his shirt is up so the seat belt is being pulled tight against his bare belly and chest. I sit him up normally, but he immediately twists down again. This is when the looks from other grocery store shoppers start. Couple more negative marks going on my chart, better grab an extra box of crackers.

Spaghetti aisle and the pretty blue boxes are too much to resist! Out shoots a little arm to grab one. I'm still moving, so instead of one he knocks down a bunch of them. One more mark on my chart! CamCam loves goldfish, so I give him a bag to snack on. This makes him very happy. I get a round of applause from him as I'm trying to open the bag- he can't wait! He happily settles down to eating his goldfish and playing with them. He picks one up, and has it "swim" and talks his little babble for the goldfish, and then CHOMP! Big big laugh from CamCam- why do boys love to play this way? Poor little defenseless goldfish happily swimming along and they think it's funny to come along and chomp it to bits. Oh well, at least he's happy. At some point I feel my cart roll over something crunchy. I look, and I've just rolled over an entire bag of goldfish dumped all over the floor. Guess that's his way of telling me he's done with them. Wonder how many marks on my chart this will be?

At the checkout aisle, Houdini CamCam has finally wiggled his way out of the seat belt, sort of. I look down and he's pretty much laying across the floor with his 2 feet stuck in the car. He's using his hands to "walk", but I don't think I can leave him this way. Out he goes! He's finally free! He runs to the movie rental machine just opposite the checkout counter. All these colorful pictures at kid level- hey look! There's a picture of Sponge Bob! And Dorra! Hey, let's bang on them as hard as I can, maybe I can make them come out!

How many marks on my "bad chart" do you think it would be if he broke the machine???

I Love You Duct Tape!!!!

What started out as a little bit funny has now turned into a nightmare. The first time I saw CamCam run past me with his little nakie butt poking out under his shirt, it was cute. I had a good chuckle, told the kids to look at CamCam, how funny was this. Put his diaper back on and told him he was a silly boy. Once I went to check on him during his nap and he was sleeping on his belly with his little butt in the air. So funny again! I slipped a diaper on him and he didn't even wake up.

Then this event started to become more and more frequent, and it wasn't quite so funny. Accidents started happening. Peeing on my bathroom floor. Peeing on his bedroom floor. Peeing on my washer. Peeing on my laundry. Peeing on a blanket. Now I wasn't chuckling and I wasn't telling the kids to look at how funny this was. This is no longer cute.

Then this became a new power struggle between us. He was constantly taking his diaper off. "Mom, CamCam has his diaper off!" I'd hear one of the kids yell multiple times a day. Even "Mr. Trouble" would let me know. It was so cute to see little "Mr. Trouble" go into daddy mode with CamCam: "CamCam! Put your diaper back on- right! now!" EVERY time I tried to get him in for a nap, he'd take it off and throw it over the gate. I'm quite positive it was thrown in anger. You're going to try and make me take a nap? THERE! (throws diaper) that'll show you!

But then it was taken to a whole new level. I was folding laundry outside his room waiting for him to fall asleep during his nap. He opens the door and says "poop ma". I turn around to see him holding his diaper in both hands over the gate. Yuck! Now here's the kicker- about half the time he'd take his diaper off and hand it to me when he pooped. And half the time he'd leave it on, and when I went to change him he'd have an absolute fit and yell and scream and thrash around. I thought he was taking it off because he hated being in poop, but it just goes to show you can never understand a 2 year old mind.

Tonight I went out... (YAY!) ...and when I came home I went to check on CamCam who was "in bed." I use that term very loosely. Of course he's diaperless. I ask him where his diaper was and he says: "ba ma abaa bah da". I start getting his brother ready for bed and tell CamCam to find me his diaper so I can put it on him. He goes over to the door, and pulls it out from under a sheet and pillow he'd thrown over the gate earlier. I told him to bring it to me, and I walk over to grab the pillow and my foot steps in something wet. YUCK!!! It's an enormous puddle of pee right inside his door! Gross! I need to clean this up without little hands and feet in it, so I tell CamCam to take his diaper down to dad and have dad put it on. I tell "Mr. Trouble" to stay on his bed, don't get down, the floor is gross and mama needs to clean it. Whatever you do, don't get down. I use the sheet that's already there half covered to finish the initial wiping up of the offensive liquid when what rolls out from under it??? Yup, you guessed it! Now I realize that at this very moment, CamCam is carrying a diaper that's probably full of this stuff down 2 flights of stairs to dad!!!! I go running and yell "DON'T PUT THE DIAPER ON HIM!!!" Obviously a little boy of almost 4 cannot be expected to sit on his bed and ignore all this excitement going on around him. So I run back upstairs to see him standing in the middle of our lovely mess asking me what's wrong. Ahhhhhhh!!!

So after lots of cleaning up of kids, lots of bed stripping, lots of blankets, sheets, stuffed animals and anything else in the vicinity of this horror put in the wash, tons of scrubbing and disinfecting, little guys are back in bed. And I go down to the kitchen, grab a roll of duct tape and cut off a very long strip. I bring it back upstairs and wrap it around the front of his diaper tabs so it meets in the back. Guess what the best part is? I bought this duct tape to go around our white air conditioner in our white trimmed window, so it's white. And so is CamCam's diaper! Hahaha- he can't tell where the duct tape ends and the diaper begins and so won't be able to take it off!

I *think* I may have won this battle. :)

On The Other Hand...

I thought about it, after my last entry, and it's only fair if I point out that there are many things I bought for CamCam that I didn't need to. In fact, the money I could have saved on these items, would probably have evened out what was on my other list. So, again I'm giving anyone that needs it a heads-up. Here are some things you may think you need for your toddler, but in fact you do not:

The most obvious one, from the majority of pictures on here, should be clothes. I know it may not look like it but CamCam does own clothing. I do dress him. He just strips down to his diaper everyday. I'm not sure what it is about this age, but 2 year olds like to be naked. It has absolutely nothing to do with being hot either. It's pretty cold here toward late afternoon now, and he went onto our deck the other day and said "cold ma" so I told him we'd go and get a shirt and pants on and he said no and threw a fit. He wanted me to somehow miraculously create warmth around him. I guess I should maybe feel honored that he thought that was within my capability. The worst part about all of this is that lately he's decided that running around in a diaper is way too confining, and has started taking that off as well. I know some would say that taking off their diaper is a sign that they are ready for potty training. And to those people I would reply that unless running around my house and randomly peeing on my floor and peeing on my pile of clean laundry and laughing about it is potty training, I think I'll continue to fight about keeping a diaper on, thank you very much.

Do not bother buying a toy box or any sort of container to keep toys in. A two year old's sole mission in life is to empty such things. It's like the best game in the world to them to empty what you've just picked up. If they do feel the need to have their toys picked up, they will find their own, more appropriate spot:

Honestly, I was quite impressed that he was able to shove every single item from his room into this tiny little spot. It must have taken quite a bit of effort.

Do not buy a two year old their own toothbrush. They'll never use it anyways. They'll use everyone else's toothbrush, but never their own. I think it is because they're always watching what family members do, and then following along. So I figure that CamCam has seen us all using our toothbrushes and so in his mind figures those are good, safe toothbrushes to use. However when I try and give him his toothbrush, he's probably thinking: "No way am I using that, no one in this house will use this one, what makes you think I want it????"

Do not buy dishes for your toddler. They never use dishes. Every meal I give CamCam ends up on the table. First thing he does is dump his food onto the table. I'm really really trying to teach him manners and how we eat off of a plate or out of a bowl, but he waits until I'm no longer looking at him and dumps his food onto the table.

Actually that's the best case scenario. The worst is when he's eating elsewhere and so dumps his food onto the couch or onto the floor to eat. The other night I made popcorn. I put way too many seeds into the pan and ended up with an enormous bowl of popcorn. It was massive. I had made it after the kids were in bed, and so had tons left over and put it on the kitchen counter. The next day, I was taking a shower and my 2 older kids went and got themselves a very small bowl of popcorn out of it and brought it downstairs to eat while watching a movie. "Mr. Trouble" wanted some too and so went upstairs and brought down the entire massive bowl to share with CamCam. I truly do not understand why one of my older two didn't think for a moment that this was a bad idea. Didn't they see "Mr. Trouble" walking down with a bowl larger then him? Didn't they see him and CamCam sitting RIGHT NEXT TO THEM with it?? Didn't they see CamCam dump the entire bowl and then sit in the middle of the popcorn pile to eat???? Why didn't one of them think "hey, this doesn't seem like a good idea, maybe I should take this giant bowl away and bring them a smaller one?"

Lastly, I probably didn't need to buy CamCam his bed. He doesn't sleep in it anyways. Apparently a plastic box is better. The crib was a few hundred, the plastic box cost me $2.99. I wasted a lot of money.

The Cost of Toddlers

There's no denying it, kids cost a lot of money. When you find out your pregnant, you start a list of all the baby items you'll need to get. It's amazing how much 'stuff' such a tiny person needs! And it's not a one-shop deal, as they grow they'll need even more 'stuff.' A lot of it is obvious: clothes, toys, books, bedding, etc. But there are a few things that you may not know you'll be needing for your toddler, so I thought I'd give you a heads-up.

Invest in a second set of play makeup. Even if you have a boy. Especially if you have a boy. Because every time you're doing your makeup, little hands will find their way into it. Worse, when you're not doing your makeup, little hands will find their way into it. I've had to throw out countless lipsticks because CamCam has shoved his finger into the tube to get at the color and rub it on his face. He loves to use the make-up brushes to brush his hair. He pushes really hard though, so they end up all smooshed down and unusable. Kinda like when I was in elementary school art class and the art teacher told us to put the brushes in the jar with their bristles up, because if we did it with the bristles down, the brush would be ruined and then he showed us one. All my makeup brushes look like that. All of my eye shadows have deep ridges across them from where he has scrapped them with his fingernails. I cannot buy compact face powder because he opens it and bangs it on the floor to get it to break apart and come out. I cannot buy loose powder because he opens it and shakes it everywhere like this:

You're toddler will be needing a pair of high heels to go with all that pretty makeup:

I am not joking, he is ALWAYS wearing my shoes! He loves all shoes but his own. He'll just randomly be walking around the house in different people's shoes, even company's.

You should be prepared to invest in a set of new keys for your keyboard:

You'll need a second set of accessories for your vacuum because the first set is actually pirate swords.

Every time I go to vacuum, I have to spend at least 15 minutes hunting down all the pieces. Everyday "Mr. Trouble" and CamCam use them to have pirate sword fights. "Mr. Trouble" always gets the big sword and CamCam gets the little one, but he doesn't complain. The funny thing is that I'll ask them where are my vacuum parts and they look at me like I have 2 heads, but if I ask them where's my sword- they bring me right to them. It's also very weird that I cannot find these vacuum pieces without their help, but no matter where I put these or try to hide them, "Mr. Trouble" and CamCam always find them without my help.

Lastly, I can't imagine why my electric bill is so high???