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Monday, June 13, 2011

If you ever watch my kids, you should know. . .

June 22nd The Dada and I celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary.  We are celebrating early, and going away this weekend.  This is HUGE for us, we haven’t been away overnight without kids in years.  To give you an idea how long its been- last time we went away, we only had 2 kids. 

I am fortunate enough to have my mom living close by, and also fortunate enough that she’s agreed to stay at my house for the weekend and watch my fab-five.  In preparation for her arrival, I’ve put together a list for her. 

Dear mom, thank you so much for agreeing to watch the kids this weekend.  Here’s a list of things that may help you out:

  • You will want to take a really good shower Thursday evening as there’s a distinct possibility you won’t have a chance to take another until you go home on Sunday. 
  • When CamCam sees people with crazy hair, he likes to cut it.
  • “Little Hurricane” no longer asks CamCam to let him out the front door.  He can do this for himself now.
  • On Thursday I will dust, vacuum, mop, catch up on dishes and catch up on laundry to prepare for your arrival.  On Friday morning it will look like I didn’t do a darn thing.  No real advice here, just a warning.
  • If you hear the words “puppy walk” come out of CamCam’s mouth, be on alert- this means he’s going to get his stuffed dog and walk to the end of the road by himself. 
  • Pretzels and Blue’s Clues are a magical combination that produce this effect:

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  • You may want to bring ear plugs as there will be a LOT of crying/screaming going on.

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  • When “Little Hurricane” gets mad he spits.  When something doesn’t go his way, he spits.  When someone upsets him, he spits on them.  When he’s looking out the window at his brothers and sister playing without him, he spits. 
  • No matter how overtired CamCam and Little Hurricane are, they will refuse to nap.
  • Noise is good.  If it’s quiet, investigate.
  • My little boys love to use sweeping “you never” statements to get you to do things for them.  “You never cut me up an apple.  You never let me play outside.  You never let me do the wii.  You never feed me lunch.  You never play with me.” 
  • My kitchen sink always looks like this:

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I am told it does in fact have a bottom, but it’s impossible to find.

  • I believe CamCam and Little Hurricane have a secret stash of markers and crayons that I cannot find, and they will write on things when you’re distracted.  Like couches.  Or beds.  Walls.  Blankets.  Windows.  Each other.
  • When Little Hurricane is doing things he shouldn’t, such as dumping boxes of cereal and crushing them with a truck, or playing in the toilet, don’t count on Nolie or CamCam to clue you in.  They'll just sit there and stare at him with a “I can’t believe your doing this” look on their face. 

Most important of all, prepare to be bombarded with sloppy kisses, tiny arms thrown around your neck or waist, and lots of I wuv you’s.  You’ll leave my house on Sunday exhausted, but smiling from ear to ear. 

Thanks mom!

Monday, June 6, 2011

How Crazy is Your Day?

This is mine.

We’re all kinds of crazy here.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Time to cut the cord

The only things I like about winter are that bugs stay out of my house and little boys stay in my house.  I am terrified of bugs and therefore take a sick delight in the fact that they all meet a frozen death once a year.  I am also mom to three fearless little boys who love to be outdoors.  I am heading into my 5th summer in a row where I go into a mini-panic every time I hear the door shut. 

Who just left the house?!?  Who’s outside?!?

If Nolie decides to go outside, it isn’t such a big deal anymore.  He understands where he needs to stay.  Plus, he’s old enough now to understand that he needs to let me know when he’s heading out the door.  AND, as an added bonus, he also understands that he needs to make sure the door is shut so that Little Hurricane can’t get out.

CamCam, not so much.  CamCam knows that I want him to stay in the back yard, but there are so many interesting things in the front yard.  And the neighbors’ yard.  And the street.  CamCam has been told countless times he’s supposed to ask before heading out the door, but who can be bothered to track down mom when there’s great fun to be had outdoors?  CamCam also thinks he’s helping Little Hurricane out by leaving the front door open for him.

But mo-om, he really wanted to go play outside!

A few days ago I was in the kitchen cooking dinner when Nolie says to me, “Hey mom, I see CamCam.”  Nolie was at out front window looking out, so I walk over to him and asked him where he saw CamCam.  “Right there,” he points, “down at the end of the street.”  I run out the front door and sure enough, there’s CamCam happy as a clam walking up the street towards our house. 

I bring him into the house and ask him what he thought he was doing.  That he knows he isn’t supposed to be outside without telling me and that he never, never, never is supposed to go in the street.  He said he wanted to take his puppy for a walk, and holds up his stuffed dog.  I bring him to the DaDa:

Me:  Every single day I tell CamCam that he can’t go outside without telling me first.  And everyday he gets punished for going outside without permission.  I just now found him walking at the end of the road, he isn’t listening to me, you need to take over.

Dada: (Looking at CamCam) What are you supposed to do before you go outside?

Cam:  Ask mom.

Dada:  And where are you supposed to stay when your outside?

Cam:  Out back.

Dada:  Then why did you just go outside without telling mom and why did you go in the road?

Cam:  I don’t know. 

Dada:  You need to start listening to your mother.

Cam:  (mumbling)  bu-sh-pa-tro-me.

Dada:  What?

Cam:  But daaaad…..  she’s always controlling me.

You know you have serious problems when your three year old tells you you’re too controlling.  How the Dada held it together for the rest of that conversation is beyond me, I was in a corner laughing my head off.  He’s a better parent then I.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

What DO you do all day?!?!

I think there is nothing that irritates stay at home mom’s more than the genuinely curious stranger who dares utter the words “What do you do all day?”  I suppose some think about how they’re at their jobs all day long, come home and manage to make dinner, clean up the house and take care of the kids needs in the evening and truly can’t imagine what they’d need to do if home all day long. 

So what do I do all day?  Let’s see, from morning through dinner, here’s today:

I wake up and feed Nolie and CamCam their breakfast.  While they’re eating I decide that today’s the day I’m going to finally have the dreaded kitchen counter that everything seems to end up on completely cleared away.  School papers are recycled or filed away, everything that needs to go upstairs is put on the stairs, bills are brought down to the office desk, toys are brought to the toy room, remotes are put away, etc, etc.  It looks wonderful.

Nolie and CamCam finish eating and bring their dishes to the sink.  CamCam tells me I really need to do dishes.  He helps me empty the dishwasher, and I fill it.  It is almost full, there’s just enough room for a couple more dishes.  I make a mental note to run it after I eat my breakfast. 

I decide to first clean the entry, the smallest and easiest room in the house to clean.  Then I’ll have one clean room!  Put everything away, vacuum up all the dirt and mud.  Success!  While in there, find a note from the school I need to sign.  Put it on the kitchen counter so I don’t forget.

Come up to the main area to pick up toys.  While picking up, see how dirty the bottom half of all the windows are in this room and so wash them.  Nolie and CamCam decide to go play outside.  Great, that will make it much easier for me to clean.  Manage to vacuum the kitchen.  Start picking up toys and while bringing something upstairs realize how much laundry there is to do.  Start a load, and sit down to fold what’s already clean.  Hear yelling outside, stop folding to go and see what they’re fighting about.  Start back upstairs, but notice that kitchen counters need to be washed when I walk by them.  Start washing them, find a nerf bullet behind the toaster, walk upstairs to put it away.  See the huge pile of partially folded clothes, sit down to fold some more. 

Hear “Little Hurricane” trying to open the door.  Open the door for him, and he slyly peaks through the door.  Think, “He’s so cute.”  Then think, “What’s that smell???”  Realize it’s poop, and then realize it’s all over his hands.  Wisk him off to the tub.  Go into Little Miss’ room and bleach the wall where the poop art was made.  Strip his bed and add it to the laundry pile.  Try and figure out what else little poopy hands could possible have touched and wash it all.  While cleaning find a note she needed me to mail, throw it down the stairs to put on the kitchen counter so I don’t forget to mail it.

Sit down to fold laundry, see “Little Hurricane” climbing out of the tub.  Bring him down to dress and feed, there’s a knock at the door.  It’s Nolie, bringing me the mail.  I grab it and throw it on the kitchen counter to go through later. 

Hear screaming outside, then the front door slam.  Nolie comes in, covered in mud.  I send him back to the entry to get undressed, then upstairs for a shower.  “Little Hurricane’s” mad because I won’t let him outside so he spits his milk all over the floor.  Start to wipe it up and hear CamCam come inside.  He’s even more covered in mud.  Strip him down in the entry, and send him up for a bath. 

Lunch time, while we’re eating lunch I look online to see what activities I can sign the kids up for the summer. Print out the info, throw it on the kitchen counter to fill out later.  Turn around and see “Little Hurricane” has finished his lunch and is running his peanut butter hands all over the window and licking the window.  Clean up from lunch and send the boys to the toy room to play. 

“Little Hurricane’s” mad they won’t let him play with them so he starts spitting everywhere.  Tell him to stop and think that I really need to mop. 

Go back upstairs to switch around the laundry and while putting away a pile realize the kids floors are covered in dirty clothes.  Didn’t I just have them pick this up yesterday??? Oh well, gather it up from all rooms and throw it into the bathroom. 

Nolie yells to me that CamCam peed his pants.

Run downstairs and see that not only is CamCam soaked, but he’s been walking all around.  Get him back to the tub, then wash up everywhere I can see pee and make a mental note that I definitely need to mop the floor later.  While washing, see little game pieces under the heaters.  Grab them out and put them on the kitchen counter to put away later. 

While I was occupied with that, “Little Hurricane” had reached the bag of animal crackers on the kitchen counter and dumped the entire bag on the kitchen floor in his eagerness to get it into his bowl. 

Older two are home from school.  CamCam and Nolie are laughing and pressing their hands and faces all over the big window as they walk by the big window.  Switch over to homework mode and tell the little boys they need to play by themselves now.  They bring their toys out so they can be near us still.

Time to start dinner.  While working on dinner, I’m brought field trip permission slips to sign and returned papers for me to look at.  I tell them to put them on the kitchen counter so I will remember to take care of them later. 

After dinner ask my oldest two to fill the dishwasher and run it.  They inform me there’s room for 2 plates, 1 cup and that’s it. 

Crap, I forgot to run it after I ate my breakfast. 

So what do I do all day long?  Well, the kitchen counters are covered in papers, mail and school stuff, the laundry is all over the place in various phases of “needing to be put away, needing to be folded, needing to be washed and needing to be sorted,” my entry way is full of mud, my floors desperately need to be vacuumed and mopped, my windows are covered in fingerprints and who knows what else, the kitchen sink is full of dirty dishes and there are toys all over the floor.

I guess I do nothing all day. 

Monday, May 9, 2011

Boys Have No Shame

I wonder how much cosmetology school is?  Do you think they’d let me go just to learn how to cut boys/men hair? 

I was thinking about this the other day when I was sitting in the waiting area of our local hair salon.  I suddenly realized that with four boys, I would be spending a LOT of money to keep their hair cut.  I had just 2 boys to take that day, and with tip it cost me $50.  Right now Little Hurricane just has little toddler curls, he doesn’t need to get his hair cut.  CamCam is TERRIFIED of getting his hair cut, so I just trim it up a little myself as needed.  So when the day comes that I do have to take all four, I’m looking at a $100 a trip!  And their hair grows fast. 

Although if I was cutting their hair, then I’d have to deal with the attitude of my 13 year old son.  “I hope I don’t get a talker,” he says in disgust while we are waiting for his turn. 

“You’d rather just sit there in silence?” I asked him.  To which he replied, “Yup!”

Unfortunately for him, he did get a talker.  He responded to her questions with his usual one syllable grunts, and she good-naturedly said to him, “Are you not talking to me?  I don’t allow that, I’ll just keep talking and talking until you answer me.” 

I let her know that he’s my shy one, and as we are discussing this Nolie is climbing up into the chair next to us to get his hair cut.  The nice lady goes to put the cape on him when he holds up a finger and says: “Wait just a second.  I have to go pee and poop.”

Well I guess we now know who’s not the shy one.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Long time no blog

Let’s say some night you have to run a bunch of errands, and your husband is working until 9PM so you have to take all five kids with you, and when you get home it’s after eight and you are beat and so you decide that even though you really should start putting little people to bed, you sure could use just 15 minutes to relax before you start that endeavor and so you start thinking maybe it’d be ok to just kill a little bit of time on the computer….. DON’T DO IT!

Because you’ll probably come up to this:

Don’t say I didn’t warn you. 

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

WW: I’m Declaring War

War has been declared!

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My weapons,

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and ammunition.

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Thirteen battles were fought over two days,

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and victory was mine!

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A moment of silence for those who were lost.

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